Many times, I would type chunks and chunks of entries that'd be left in my draft at the end of the day. Sometimes emotions just get the better of me so I write extremely sad stuff when the situation isn't even half as bad. I also wrote things that have hurt people before so most of the time, I'd rather not post anything personal to avoid making the same mistake again.
I've seen myself changing quite a fair bit since the past two months or so. Probably since the start of 2015, the solitariness habit had been incorporated into my daily routine on a higher frequency now. I thought I'd always been the happiest person, well I guess not anymore.
I used to always make time for any friend who'd want to catch up. I get so busy on weekends, sometimes I'd squeeze in as many as three different cliques a day to meet. Who'd know one fine day I 'd start rejecting people, or friends I'd call it. People don't change overnight. I'd been through bad times as well, but I usually get back up cheerful again the next day. Friends would have known me as a very loud and happy person. I'm also very vocal, always putting opinions or thoughts across without any hesitation. These days I'd rather agree than to disagree and would very much prefer to spend time alone than to be out. I picked up watching Korean dramas recently and now I'd rather be home spending time on a show that doesn't disappoint, than to spend time with people that might disappoint me eventually. I clearly know that Korean dramas are not an addiction, just a companion or a distraction away from the crowd. All these 23 years of my life, I'd never been someone like that. I'd usually find a reason to hang out with friends, either over coffee or ice cream. Even if it is just sitting around doing nothing, I'd rather be surrounded by friends and talking rubbish. I guess this isn't an overnight change, it has been accumulated through the years and also more of the recent months that have caused me to shun away from people - people who love me, or people who don't.
Especially when the wedding is approaching, I know it isn't helping to feel like this right now. I'd always been known for my insensitivity and would have not been the most meticulous person to notice people's emotions. Now I become the most sensitive person that'd hurt at every little thing people around me say. Time to get myself sorted and to get over all that is hurting.
I need food, food would make me happy again.
love, bella
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